Love Him to the Moon and Back!!!

This post is personal ,emotional and gooey with my feelings so if that makes anyone bored or uncomfortable, consider this post a skipper por favor.
Feb 10th was a day of reflection for me.  A day full of emotions...disbelief, excitement, pride, nostalgia, love, and just thankfulness. Lots and lots of thankfulness. My 21 and a half pound miracle turned one (birthday post to come hopefully sooner rather than later).  I never imagined how beautiful every aspect of this sweet little boy would be.  Nor did I imagine that I would have such tender feelings about being a mama. 


Women have innate qualities that make us want to nurture, to be motherly.  I think I got a double dose of that.  And I don't only feel this with my Brigston, I feel this with all my nieces and nephews.  With my friends' kids, kinda with kids in general.  Being Mama is probably the hardest fulltime job I'll ever have and it will only get harder as we have more kids, but I want this job forever.  I still have to work hard at trying to be good at it daily, but I've never had such "wow, this is my purpose here" moments as I do being a homemaker.  Maybe I'm not the norm, but I love being at home with David, with Brig.  I want to spend all my spare time with them.  If I'm gone for an activity, I miss them.  If David takes Brig someplace and I don't go, I get lonely for them.  Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a break after a long day with a teething baby, but I want that break to be me watching David play with our boy, hearing giggles and squeals, still there with them.   


I realized on Brig's bday how thankful I was that we had to wait a while for him to join our family.  I think because of that wait, he means all the much more to me and I pray I never ever take having him for granted.  I hope when I complain or whine about any aspect of motherhood, David reminds me how lucky I am to be Mom.  When I get up in the middle of the night with a wide awake or crying Brigston, the second my mind starts to wish I could be sleeping I try to remember how much I ached for the opportunity to just hold a sweet babe in the middle of the night, how much I wanted to be that tired, frazzled mom.  At least I'd have a good excuse as to why I looked tired and haggard. :)  This is what I signed up for when we decided we wanted our family to grow.  Sure, sometimes I get frustrated when I watch Brig make a tornado out of a room I just picked up for the 50th time that day in seconds, or when he refuses to take a nap.  Yes, I wonder how to tackle fits he throws.  I wonder how to stop him from bullying other babes or to stop others from bullying him.  Yes, more often that not I feel like my house is a disaster area by the end of the day.  I'm sure many days when Dave gets home he sees a scary version of me, dried crumbs, stickiness, and food stuck to my shirt from pudgy lil hands, hair all messed up from a personal hairdresser who's fascinated with my hair everyday, bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep.  Yep, I'm a first-time mom, and I don't really know what I'm "supposed" to be doing.  But I'm trying, learning, doing what I feel is best for Brig and me, and I've learned it's ok to be different from other moms, to not compare myself to other moms. 


I've realized lately how important moments are with my fam.  Brig lets me cuddle him everyday.  It's my favorite!!!  I'll cradle him before he goes to sleep and sing to him as we rock in the rocking chair.  It chokes me up when I stare at him and think of how he's perfect to me in every way, so beautiful.  He often stares right back at me for a while and occasionally reaches up to touch my face or pat me.  Sometimes he'll blow a little raspberry, almost like he's making sure I know he's still awake.  I try to memorize those moments so I'll always feel that warmth of feeling like my heart's going to explode I just love him so much.  I just feel full of love for this itty bitty boy.  Full of thankfulness.  Appreciation that I can have special moments with my babe.  It's priceless, and I'm thankful for that. 


Anyhow, I guess I just really wanted to write about how grateful I am to be a woman, a nurturer, a mother.  I know not all women feel this way, and many women don't enjoy motherhood.  I enjoy it, I love my job, and I'm so grateful for the amazing examples I had growing up who also loved motherhood.  My mom is a saint.  I hope to be as influencial, kind, and loving as she is, as a mother.  Not only is she motherly to her family, but also to those around her.  She's amazing, so Christlike!  And my sister, what an example of a motherly nurturer.  She doesn't have kids of her own yet, but she treats all her nieces and nephew (soon to be nephews!  So excited to meet Bryce and Court's little boy in June!!) as if they're her own.  She's going to make an awesome mom!  And I know David wouldn't be the man he is without his amazing mom.  I'm going to try harder to remember how lucky I am to be a woman, to remember all the little things [like family time] that I need to cherish and memorize, and to drink in and soak up every ounce of this little boy that I can.  If the next 17 years go by as fast as this last one did, then I'll run out of drinking and soaking time all too quickly.  I love this kid and I'm feeling so thankful...


Then.

Now.

I love him to the moon and back.
(infinity times)